x.x

My husband is home until further notice.

I don’t know whether to be excited or horrified.

We might get the house fixed up a bit — I’ve been wanting to redo the laundry room and turn part of it into a pantry since we moved in 9 years ago.

…but we’re probably going to end up murdering each other instead.

The biggest bright side is L can babysit Sprocket while he’s home and that means I can knit!

I cast back on Yggdrasil, a shawl I started and ripped forever and a day ago.  It’s double knit and starts with 360 stitches — so a 720 cast on.  It’s going to take a day and an age to finish but it’s something to keep me busy.

…and since today is National Puppy Day!

 

 

Drama ahead.

I thought posting might help me get back on track a bit.

I’m exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally…all of it…and can’t seem to land on my feet right now.  Things have been a bit crazy and I’m not happy about it.

My husband decided to apply for a new job.  He didn’t discuss it with me until after he was interviewed and kept telling me he wasn’t going to take the job.  He took the job.  It’s a horrible idea. He’s taking a demotion, didn’t get the salary he wanted, and will now work a lot more hours a day, to the tune of 40 hours over two weeks…no overtime.  The company is restructuring and laid off almost half of their employees two years ago.  The laid off an additional 1,200 people between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and 300 the Thursday before Easter.  Hubs is easily bamboozled, says it’s his dream (that he never told anybody), and doesn’t see how leaving one of the most stable jobs in the country with clear and consistent career growth for a company that is circling the drain is a problem.  His parents have money.  They’ve promised they’ll bail him out.  Who cares that he’s married?  Needless to say, we’ve had some pretty nice screaming matches about him making this kind of decision without talking to me about it.  That’s not how relationships work.

My little dog is sick.  She has been for an entire month.  She fire hoses poo out in a gross stream and has to go out many, many times a day.  The vet can’t figure out what’s wrong with her and we’re now just blindly trying things.  Her bloodwork and stool samples all come back normal. He couldn’t find any obstructions.  She’s stopped spewing blood and losing weight, so that’s something.  He’s out of town this week, which is why I’m not in his office…again…for about the 8th time this month.  She vomited this morning but I think it’s because I was too sick (not sure wtf is going on with me either — I woke up at 2 a.m. with bad upper abdominal pain and nausea…reminds me a bit of my ulcer years ago but that was lower.  Ugh!) to get up and dose her medication, so hubs just gave it to her in a pill pocket and left without bothering to feed the dogs.  I feel gross on antibiotics too when I don’t eat.  I’m hoping that’s what it was.

I’m also on antibiotics…because I was bitten by a tick.  My personal nightmare.  Lyme disease is so common here that it’s scary.  My neighbor died from complications of it.  If I get so much as a sniffle in the next two months (or a headache, which is laughable since I have migraines), I’m supposed to go back to the doctor for more bloodwork and antibiotics.  I still don’t have a primary care because of husband’s shenanigans.  We’ve had three new insurance providers since my last doctor appointment.  Again, something I’m very unhappy about.

…and the wedding I was in went to hell in a hand basket.  Almost everybody involved was drunk by 11 a.m. and the wedding wasn’t until 4.  I was one of the sober people, despite my best efforts with lots of tequila, packing my own flask of whiskey, and sharing some homemade moonshine with the groom’s family, so I ended up babysitting a lot of drunks.  Whatever you can imagine went badly, did…and then some.  It was the type of wedding where the father of the groom shows up with moonshine and all of the groomsmen are packing pistols but the bride goes full diva bridezilla and wants to be a princess (and when that failed we found her drinking champagne in a rusted bathtub). People got so pissed off that they literally drove off, abandoning the rest of their family at the venue, which was an Amish farm in the middle of nowhere.  Interesting twist is that in at least one case, some married people enjoyed hooking up with other married people when their spouses left.

By the end of the night, cops were involved.  Physical fights broke out and protection orders were issued.  People should’ve gone to the E.R. but didn’t because it’s a wedding and a party and who ruins that?!  At one point,  I splinted a finger with duct tape because it’s all I had and tried taking them to the doctor but nope, they refused to go; they just went (two weeks later!!!) and the joint was so shattered it needs to be rebuilt, along with the tendons.  I’m guessing it’s from not going to the doctor to begin with — broken bones don’t like to heal if they’re constantly being moved and used to punch people.  But I’m not the one that’s so addicted to opiates that they could go two weeks with a finger grinding where their joint used to be, so what do I know?

As follow-up, the next day there was a threat of suicide in the order of a full will being sent out to everybody and them blaming their spouse for driving them to this.  The protection order turned into a restraining order.  Other people issued statements about being afraid for their lives.  People were kicked out of houses.  The day after, I received a mayday to please come pick somebody up from jail.  They were facing 24 months in jail but needed a ride home after they posted bail.  Thank goodness I was enroute even further south to GA for hub’s family and friends.  Joy.  I did find somebody else to pick them up and they took them to stay with some very unexpected people if you knew everybody involved. Eventually all of the charges were dropped…but people are still kicked out and strewn about. The bride’s mother is giving the marriage 6 months and the groom’s mother said he’ll learn his lesson the hard way — doesn’t bode well.  I’m also joining the bet but giving it 9 months because the bride/groom were already fighting the week after their honeymoon. I think the only reason they’ll stick together longer is because he’s still living on base until December, so that’s 8 months until he comes “home” with a month to realize what he got himself into. I think I’m the only one they’re all talking to.  I don’t know why.

I’m VERY glad I live 700 miles away.

After that, everything has just been a whirlwind of busy.  I’m an introvert and it takes a long time for me to recover from people…especially my people.  I think, after the wedding and the party last year, my husband is starting to understand why I largely refuse to go to family events.  I haven’t had time to recover to me yet and I’m not sure when that’s going to happen.  Yay, stress!

On the plus side:

My hair is blue now.  I like it.

I also have my Grandmother’s recipe for macaroni salad (mine still didn’t turn out as good as hers) and am about to have a bowl for lunch.  I also like that.

Grandmother says I’m a lot like her in temperament.  Biggest complement anybody could ever give me.  Now to become as friendly as she is.  Not sure I can pull that one off.  XD

Even though I don’t like being around people, I have lots of concerts and fun things to distract me.  I’m seeing Book of Mormon on Thursday.  Going to a costumed Dracula’s Ball in PA on Saturday to see a goth’n’roll band I like (The 69 Eyes).  Seeing Judas Priest on Sunday.  Avantasia is next Friday…then we’re thinking of doing an insane trip back to VA for the Memorial Day weekend to see the graduation of a kid we know.  He was in foster care when we met him and really took to my husband; the kid was adopted several years ago and has had a few issues, so we still try to encourage him in any way that we can.  He REALLY wants hubs to be there for his graduation.  We’re going to try to deliver, even though it means leaving the concert in MA and driving nonstop, all night, to maybe pull into the parking lot right as graduation starts.  It’s an 11 hour drive.  Graduation starts at 11.  The show isn’t supposed to end until Midnight.  Can we do this?  Are we crazy enough to try?

I talked to the bank and have secured approval for a car loan.  I was worried about how it would go over since hubs is job hopping but apparently my credit is too awesome to deny.  I’m thinking about getting an AWD Prius in June.  I’d looove to have a set of wheels to call my own again and the freedom that comes with it.

I also booked three (!!!) extended vacations for metal festivals this year.  ProgPower USA (Atlanta), Heavy Montreal (location should be obvious), and Full Metal Holiday (Mallorca).  There are 89 bands between them…and I’m throwing in another 6 bands by going back to Montreal both days before I fly out for Mallorca because I’m insane and very, very excited.  I think my only hobby now is concerts.  Crafting has taken a back-burner, even if I do still carry a sock to knit on in my purse.

I read a long time ago that metalheads are happier and live longer, which I took to say that I’d be in the nuthouse if I didn’t have my music.  With the way things have been going lately, I may end up there regardless.  :X

 

 

Laboratory

I’ve been twiddling my thumbs with making anything lately.  I’ve been busy and stressed.

Hubs finally started his “Secret Underground Laboratory Club” this weekend.  We had people over for 18 hours straight.  They didn’t leave until almost 2 a.m.  It was exhausting, especially since being around people tires me out anyway.

I usually don’t feel that useful around electrical projects but I ended up being the one putting together all of the mechanical stuff needed that day and showing them how to use the power tools.  Even my hubs didn’t know how to change out the bandsaw blade? It blew my mind a bit.

I’m not convinced two of them have ever soldered, either.  I find that strange since they’re electrical engineers buuuut I guess not everybody grew up with a DIY dad that was happy to have somebody tag along.  🙂

They’re prototyping an electronic boost DC/DC converter there.  They only lost an LED and we’re not letting them play with anything high powered yet, which is probably a good thing since they also shorted something but the equipment protected itself.

I think I need to come up with a safety waiver. ^_^;;

My schedule is going haywire shortly.  I’ll be leaving on March 1st and won’t have but 11 days at home until May.  I’m not looking forward to being gone that long!  I’m tired already and I haven’t even started packing.

…so now for a distracting survey thingy from a quilting friend, even though it has nothing to do with anything.

How old are you: 32
– Tattoos: None.  Not opposed to them, just don’t know what I’d get.  If I ever had a wicked scar, I know I’d get something stitching it up or crafting related to cover it.
– Ever hit a deer:  I mean, technically the one that did damage hit me.  It jumped off an embankment onto the hood of the car like I was a moving stepping stone.  I’ve also hit two in my mom’s car but no damage either time (which is hilarious since she did $500 worth of damage to her grill hitting a rabbit!).  One was sucker punched by the side mirror because it walked out of the ditch as I was driving past.  The other slid on ice in front of the car and went splay legged like Bambi and I ran over one of its legs.  All of the deer shook it off and stumbled away.
– Rode in an ambulance: Yups — I did EMT training and certification after college.
– Ice skated:  Nope but I’d love to try!
– Rode a motorcycle: Yes, but only with my daddy when I was little
-Stayed in hospital: More than I can count, for both myself and others
– Skipped school: A few times >_>;
– Last phone call:  My hubs
– Last text : Hubs again.  My phone number is only known by like six or seven people and only three of those text. The other losers are already in bed! :X
– Watched someone die:  Unfortunately
– Pepsi or Coke: Coke.  I’m from the south, almost everything is called Coke anyway.
– Favorite pie: Lemon meringue or my Granny Boo’s butterscotch with almond meringue
– Favorite Pizza: Pepperoni.  Sometimes I’ll do ham or meatball. I don’t like things too fancy.
-Favorite season: Anything but summer.  I don’t like heat!  I probably like spring the best though.
– Broken bone:  Pretty sure there’ve been a few little fractures here and there
– Received a ticket: Yes but the cop was a complete ass and profiling.  He saw a car of college aged kids (my roommate and boyfriend at the time with me) out late and couldn’t tell me why he pulled me over. He spent half an hour looking over my car before he ended up giving me a ticket for an expired tag that wasn’t actually expired (the state sent small stickers to put on the tag of your car with the year — mine was paid, I was away at college and the sticker was sent to my home address, not my dorm…so it was up to date, just not physically on the car)…and there’s no way he could’ve seen that at night in the rain from the highway median.  The ticket was waived when I called and complained.
– Favorite Color:  Green leaning towards teal.

That turned into a rant…

I’m making progress with that super annoying UFO scarf.  The first half is complete and I’ve finished beading the second, so now it’s just endless rows of stockinette.

I remembered I didn’t like the makes that the pattern had — now I remember why.  Stupid holes.  I only did them a few times before I realized again what was happening and changed them.  No big deal, I don’t think the person who wants it will notice. >_>;

I started working on the next Star Trek block but then I got distracted in a huge way.

My sewing room started to irk me.

When I do any project, it becomes cluttered and I can’t just stick to one project so it cascades and gets worse.  Within a few days, my room had quickly became a raging mess.  I’ve started to get frustrated working in there and that won’t do, so it has to change.  It’s even worse now.

I ended up pulling everything out of the little closet and decided to reorganize everything — organizing is what I do when I’m stressed because I grew up with a hoarder.  I want to be the opposite of that and I go nuts with it; it’s almost like a trigger is pulled and I start itching until I can tidy something.   …and thanks to the ConMari thing on Netflix that’s ALL I’m hearing about from the females I know.  Not just that it’s neat but that I have to try it because it’s so amazeballs.  One of my cousins will NOT stfu about it and has talked about it for weeks.  I’ve stayed with her, she shouldn’t be the one telling anybody how to clean.  Just sayin’.

If something works for you, awesome, but stop trying to push it on other people, especially if they’re already telling you no and they’re not interested.  Sort of like the whole “when are you having kids” thing or the CBD/THC thing.  It’s great that they work for you but they’re definitely not for everybody…especially kids.  I don’t want kids, having kids would be a nightmare for me and I would ruin them.  If they’re the greatest thing that happened to you, that’s fantastic…for you.  And I’m sick of people asking for suggestions on forums and every other answer is “SMOKE WEED!”.  Cool, it’s legal in a lot of places now.  …but so is tobacco and a lot of people don’t use it even though they can.  It’s not for everybody.

I digress.  ^^ That picture is why I’m ranting.  Before I savagely attacked my sewing room and everything wound up on the floor, I went through the house and made a digital library of ALL the books, movies, music, and games we own.  I’m working on one for patterns now since I’m this deep in my sewing room.  Before that, I purged my entire kitchen.  It cascades and it’s a sickness.  😛

….and honestly, just my sewing table was cluttered.  Now I’m all-in on my personal brand of insanity.  Even my husband knows if I’m frantically organizing, something’s off with me and to use kid gloves.  I had a panic attack at 4  this morning over a vacation in OCTOBER, that’s how high strung I can be.

So I’m here and ranting to try to avoid tearing something else in that room apart.  It worked for a bit but I’m going to go back to patterns soon.

But first!  In an effort to spread that out and calm down a bit, another pointless survey type of thing!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, just for fun. ❤

Who’s older? He is, but only by two months.

Who was interested first? Not really sure?  We met online and things progressed pretty quickly.  He did message me first though and he was the first to be all lame and declare his love.

How long have you been together? Almost twelve years.  x.x

Married? Aye, for seven years.

More sarcastic? Me, it goes right over his head.

Who makes the most mess? Depends if I’m “cleaning” or not?  Day to day, it’s him.

Who has more tattoos? Neither one of us are inked.

Better singer? Neither. *cringe*

Hogs the remote? Neither, we turn whatever it is on and leave the remote alone.  We’re pretty similar in viewing tastes and habits.

Better driver? Me!  To be fair, he’s way better than he once was.

Spends the most?  Well, shit.  I guess that would also be me…but caveat is that I manage all of our finances so pay the bills, get groceries, and organize all of our vacations.  He doesn’t spend anything without asking, except for the occasional bagel. 😛

Smarter? Depends on the subject. I learn quicker, he learns deeper.  He has zero common sense, though.

Most common sense? Oh look! I just answered that.  Me, me, ME!

What are your middle names? Victoria and Sproull.

Whose siblings do you see the most?  …well that’s a shit question.  By default, since mine has been dead for thirteen years, we see his sibling more…which isn’t all that often.

Do you have any children together? See above rant.  We have furkids, they’re more than enough.

Did you go to the same school? Nope.

Who is the most sensitive? Hands down, him.  I have bad anxiety and all but he mirrors emotions and gets nearly suicidal if he’s hungry.

Where do you eat out most as a couple? Local Asian fusion place called Jade Bistro.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled? Scotland or Hawaii.  I’m actually not sure which is geographically the furthest.  Gut feeling is Hawaii.

Who has the craziest exes? Him.

Who has the worst temper?  Depends.  I get mad more easily but diffuse really quick.  It takes a lot of build up to get him mad but when he does reach that point, he starts breaking things…then gets mad that the things broke.

Who does the cooking?  Me, with his help now. 🙂

Who is the neat freak?  Based on my rant above, I guess that’d be me.

Who is the most stubborn? Also me.

Who hogs the bed?  Him. He sleeps sideways if he can.  Dogs and cats don’t help.

Who wakes up earlier?  Me. I don’t sleep a lot.

Where was your first date?  South Carolina — we met at a Waffle House.

Who has the bigger family?  That we see regularly?  Him.  All combined we’re probably even kilter with cousins though.

Do you get flowers often? Only when he’s messed up.  He’s under strict orders for no flowers for Valentine’s Day.

Who does the laundry?  I do.

Who’s better with the computers? He can code but doesn’t know how to do some super simple things, so I end up walking him through a lot of stuff, which is absolutely bizarre.

Who drives when you are together? Him, unless he’s tired.

Who picks where you go to dinner? Me, he’s usually just desperate to find something I feel like eating.

Who wears the pants in the relationship? According to everybody that knows us…me.

Who eats more sweets? Neither one of us really like sweets and when we do eat them, it’s always together.  Guess we’re tied on this one.

Teatime and crafting overload

First off, I had a MASSIVE realization this week.  For me, it’s potentially epic.

Fifteen years ago I was in an exchange program to Austria.  When I was there I stayed for a little while with a really awesome family.  Actually, I stayed with three pretty awesome families but, in this case, I’m talking about the one in the middle of my exchange.  They took me to a family party; I can’t remember the reason for the party, there may not have been one.  What I do remember though was the amazingly super sweet grandmother.  The party was at her house and I sat beside of her during lunch.  We chatted as best we could with my very limited German and her limited English.  After food, she asked if I’d like some tea.

I. LOVE. TEA.  I used to steal sips of my Granny Boo’s tea when I was a toddler.  I’m also ridiculously picky about it for somebody that loves it so much; I only really like black tea, don’t really like added flavors at all, and I drink it straight.  If I’m feeling sick, I’ll throw in a spoon of honey but that’s really the only exception.  Of course I took her up on the offer for tea!  I was stoked to have a hot cuppa in the middle of the day.

While she was inside brewing it, her son told me I was brave because nobody else dared to drink tea with her.  This is a guy that took me to a pub so I could win him some free beers by hammering nails into a log with the sharp end of a hatchet…and he wouldn’t drink tea with his mother.  She seemed very excited when I accepted the offer because she got to brew an entire pot instead of just enough for her.

She brought out a pot of tea so black that my first thought was maybe she mixed up the words for tea and coffee…but tea is tee so surely neither of us bumbled that one up.  It was so strong and so bitter and absolutely amazing.  We finished off the pot in no time.  She was elated to have a tea drinking buddy and I’ve been on the search for that tea ever since.  I’ve bought the strongest teas my local shop offers.  I’ve asked for the strongest teas at the amazing tea and crepes place over in Massachusetts; I even drink their samovar teas without dilution.  Nothing is quite the same.

Which is where my realization came in this week.  She of course spoke English with an accent and I had always thought she’d said it was a type of Russian tea.  She didn’t know a brand, just a type.  Now, I think I misunderstood her years ago.  I think what she actually said was it was a Frisian tea….which, honestly, makes a lot more sense considering the locale and could’ve easily been muddled by accent and my own ignorance.  I’ve done a bit of research and think I’ve hit the spot — she did, after all, have rock sugar for it and it’s the only tea I’ve ever drank that was strong enough for me to at least try adding some sweetness on the second cup.

So long story short, I’ve placed an order for some East Frisian tea and am anxiously awaiting its arrival.  If it’s still not the same, I’ll continue my search and will still enjoy the black tea!

…and in other news, crafting insanity is full swing here.

I think I’m up to my eyeballs.  Not complaining!  I’m super excited!  I had such a crafting doldrums last year this it’s nice to feel excited about stuff again.

I altered the pajamas pattern and have been churning out pairs.  They’re not hilarious fleece skinny jeans any longer and are quite comfy.  Hubs wants additional pairs and has also asked that I make him a fleece shirt to match at least one pair.  I ordered some fleece from Joann’s holiday clearance when it was 1.50 a yard so at least they’re affordable jammies!  I’m sure it’ll be a circus when it arrives and I start bashing my head against the wall to figure out a shirt.  I still have to hem and elastic the new “original” pair for me, then I can consider that UFO finished. 🙂

…and the big dog has now taken over the pajama flop from the first attempt.  He’s uncrossed the legs and lies between them with his head on the “lap”, just like he does when one of us gets on the floor with him.  It’s kind of funny to watch the dogs wrangle the legs around.

I’ve had the amigurumi itch for a little bit so bit and bought one pattern and am also eyeing a free one.

The above is the pattern I bought from lalylala on etsy (and also her photo, but I’ll have my own soon enough!).  I mean, seriously, it made me want to stab my eyeballs out it was so cute.  I have the stuff to make it as well, I’m just trying to behave and put it off until I finish another UFO.

The free one I want to make is from Amigurumi Today….and is also a cow. Here’s their photo:

I’m a big fan of not the most typical stuff, though I’ve seen some of them grow in popularity lately which is AWESOME!  I love gnomes, alpacas and llamas, rhinos and unicorns and narwhals, fauns/satyrs, and cows and cats.  I had a llama shirt when I was about 5, so these aren’t new developments.  I’m sure there are some other weird things I’m mildly in love to full on obsessed with (sometimes bumble bees make an appearance).

So getting back to other things, I’m still working on the monarch mittens.  I didn’t forget you, UFO list!  They’re slow going since I’m at four colors and full on intarsia in the round.  I still think they’re fun, albeit fiddly when I have to untangle everything.  They’ll get done eventually….hopefully sooner than later!

I’ve also got the stuff cut and ready to start making the rugs (#11 on my list).  I think I might clear off my ironing board, currently a “wtf do I do with this” pile, and see if I can churn one of them out tomorrow.  I have two to make.

…and I’m horribly naughty and joined a Row Along from Fandom in Stitches.  It was only a matter of time and I knew I was going to hop on this ship as soon as it was announced last year.  It’s Star Trek.  Seriously, how could I not?!  The designers posted a sneak peak of the photo today on their designer page (I’m only there because many moons ago I made a Captain Hammer block for the site) and oh lawdy, I’m excited.  Hubs saw it the mock-up and has already claimed it as his.  He said I already have my Spock quilt, so it’s only fair he gets a Trek one too.

I also practiced working with vinyl a bit.

It’s now hanging above my kitchen sink.  I can’t resist being snarky and crass at times. 😀

…and don’t worry, it’s not cast iron!  Somebody gave it to me as a Christmas gift years ago with a little brownie mix.  I have an induction stove and this little pan isn’t magnetic enough to work on it, so definitely not real cast iron.  I didn’t know what to do with it until this week.

When I craft, I have massive attention span problems.  I’ll get all of this done eventually!  So long as I stick to having at least one UFO on the needles/hooks/etc. I’m still good with my goal from the beginning of the year.

 

When it rains, it pours

General update since my last post:

I started the MKAL but I’m so far behind I’ll never catch up.  I’m a bit discouraged by that so I’ve been working on other projects when I feel up to it.

I’m usually done with Christmas stuff by September…but I haven’t done any of it this year, so I started a gift yesterday:

It should be a rosebud throw when I’m done.  Mom loves the quilt I made for keeping in the car and asked if I’d make her something for hers since she gets cold easily.  I’ll back this in fleece and crochet a border around the edge when I’m done.  I really love cross stitch and Tunisian crochet, so it’s going together a lot faster than I expected.  Though I’ll probably have to take a day or two off — I overused my right arm yesterday and aggravated my ulnar nerve…again.  I’ve got to learn to quit doing that.  I slapped a lidocaine patch on it since they’ve helped in the past.

We had guests and I was so stressed I didn’t sleep for a week.  It was bad.

I have a sign by my door that says “All guests bring happiness: some coming, some leaving”.  Ain’t that the damn truth!

I found my matron of honor dress at a local boutique.  The bride approved it.  It’s been a bit hard coordinating everything since I live 12 hours from the festivities.

Went to two concerts:  Metallica and GoreCore Metal Tour featuring GWAR

I’ve wanted to see GWAR since before I was a metal fan.  I remember being sick at my Granny Boo’s house when I was little and seeing them on Joan Rivers.  We didn’t have any kind of television service at home so could only watch recorded VHSes that other people gave us…mostly Sesame Street.  You can imagine, coming from that, that GWAR made  quite an impression.  Video here.  The singer in the video passed away a number of years ago but the new(ish) guy is good and entertaining.

…and yah, the show was pretty bloody and gory.  The  most pit was the worst I’ve seen it at that venue and they were spraying stuff into the audience the whole time.  The blood was fake, of course, but it’s the only metal concert I’ve been to where the audience wears white instead of black.

I knew the show was going to be rough so I parked myself next to a wall on a platformed viewing area so I couldn’t get sucked into the mosh.  It had one MASSIVE drawback though.  Where I was standing was a clear view straight into the dressing rooms.  It was already warm so they just left the door to the venue open — everywhere else was blocked because of screens on the stage but not where I was standing.  Before the show, they went from street clothes to just walking around naked before donning their thongs and costumes.  I saw more old man butt and balls than I ever wanted to…and the same for every costume change that happened.  Some of their costumes are amazing, though, especially up close.

I also went to my first rave.  I’m hoping it’ll be my last.  The music was fine — it was the Seven Lions tour — but I’ve never felt more out of place in my life.  My husband is a big EDM fan so he was happily dancing away with glow sticks.  People there were huggy and talkative and I’ve seen lingerie models wearing more clothes than some…it just wasn’t my type of scene.

It also didn’t help that during the first DJ, a dude that was dancing on the platform I’d been hiding on the night before, tripped off of it and down the stairs.  He landed right on top of me, taking a bar table and trash can with him.  It tweaked my already doofy ankle pretty badly and it started swelling.  I was lucky and was able to sit somewhere out of the way for the rest of the night.

…and then when hubs was finally ready to leave and we were walking out, my ankle totally gave out and I hit a ledge.  I couldn’t put any weight on it and I’m pretty bruised up.  It was so bad that security, (which was especially tight since it was the night after the shooting in Cali at a similar venue) known to be complete hardasses (I’ve seen them make little kids cry and physically carry somebody out by palming their head like a basketball), yelled at my husband when he tried to make me walk to the car.  They told him to go get the car and they’d let him right by the doors and make sure nobody stole me. One guy even found some ice for my ankle while another physically helped me into the car — they’re all pretty nice guys I’ve discovered over the years.  It’s gotten a bit better since then but I still have to brace it when I walk or it gets wobbly.

To add to the fun, I caught the flu somewhere along the concert circuit.

I have a really poor immune system so I tend to mutate things and always get additional complications.

Three days of flu are over now thank goodness, I’m on day three of a sinus infection, and woke up this morning to bronchitis.  I’ve been through this song and dance so many times by now that I know antibiotics won’t be prescribed because everything has viral roots…unless I’ve had symptoms for over a week, then I can teledoc some in through my insurance.  The sinus infection is starting to break up and move out, so I think I just have another two days of it.  I’ve set an alarm to take guaifenesin every four hours to try to keep the bronchitis moving and from mutating into pneumonia.  I’ve pulled that hat trick a few times…not a fun combo.

P.S. You’re worth more.

I’ve got to be better about taking note of where I steal images from.  I see them, they resonate, I save them, I move on.  I saved that one months ago and it does a very elegant job of expressing how I’ve felt lately.

I’ve always been bad at talking about how I feel.  I have walls and wear a mask almost all the time.  It’s weird because I’m a pretty open book in every other regard — I’ll tell anybody pretty much anything they ask…just as long as they don’t want to know what I’m feeling.  The damage runs deep and most people aren’t equipped to handle it.  You can only hear so much “it gets better” before you want to smack the shit out of somebody.

Some stuff doesn’t get better.  Time doesn’t heal every wound, some stay fresh and raw.  Some days are better than others, but that’s about all you get.  No matter what you do, some people will always suck…and it’s not up to you to change them or even put up with them.  You don’t have to feel guilty for distancing yourself.

It’s crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves to think or be a certain way.  How much we blame ourselves when things don’t go the way we hope.  How much inconvenience we’ll go through for others to be happy while neglecting ourselves.

…and it absolutely blows my mind how much a simple “it’s not you, I promise” is a life raft in the storm.  How those simple words quickly became the bandage for so many seeping wounds.  I’ve been told things aren’t my fault before but something about the added promise actually drove it home and made it feel like some of the weight I’ve been dragging around was finally lifting.  I take promises very seriously.

I started this year determined to find happiness.  Pretty pathetic, right?  I haven’t been genuinely happy in a long time.  Life has a way of dealing blows and then hitting me again when I’m down.  Even when things are going well, I can’t relax and enjoy the moment because I keep waiting for the fuckening; it hasn’t failed me yet.

I’m a dreary thing and I accepted the pessimistic life a long time ago.  If I expect the worst, I’ll never be disappointed.  Hell, I may even be pleasantly surprised and who doesn’t love that?  Life is still rolling with the one-two punches but I find myself settling into an odd sort of contentment in spite of them.  I’m good with being content.

I might even venture I’m almost happy with being content.

I’m working on it.  I’m trying.  I promise I am.

 

Knitting and baking

The MKAL was released two days ago and I started it, finished chart one (she released four for the first round), then ripped it all out.

Why?  I got into a groove and started knitting the pattern for the other shawl I’m finishing up.   …I think that means I need to finish it before merrily starting the other again and having another epic brain fart.

I have 24 rows across two charts left still because I knit slower than molasses in winter.  You can see the lacy edge is starting to take shape, though!  I’m really excited about finishing this one up!

I really love the alpaca yarn from just working with it briefly yesterday.  It’s super soft and fuzzy (which will probably drive me nuts before this is all over).

I had to spend my knitting time on Friday coloring in the MKAL charts.  D’oh.  I only have a black and white printer and, of course, it’s a color pattern.  I mark all over my knitting patterns so just reading it on my screen will never do.

…and, sadly, those gorgeous topaz beads…there aren’t enough for the project.  I talked to the company I got them from and the importers no longer sell them either…the lady said they were trying to get some from another Japanese brand in a similar color but I decided it was safer to swap up the colors a bit.  My other tube of red beads is on backorder and they said they’ll ship out some dark topaz ones for me at the same time.  I hope they match the really bizarre shades that make up my yarn.

Sunday is the day I make up food for the week for the hubs.  I think this week was a home run.  I stole this from his facebook page because it made me guffaw when I read it:

I wish he was as enthusiastic about me as he is about the food I make.  XD

He posts a lot of the food I make because, apparently, people at work come to see him the next day to investigate the food.  He really loves attention from semi-random people and eating, so he gets a two-for-one deal.

…and that’s leading to a rant.

The ONE thing the drives me nuts about hubs posting food is we have one friend who always asks for the recipe.  If I used a recipe, I’ll gladly share it…but that’s rarely the case.  Most of our food is cooking what we have on hand and making a “mess” out of it.

Backstory: my Grandmother unleashed me into the world of cooking because I would go to her house and literally make a mess in her kitchen.  Whatever I could combine I would.  I would look for things that tasted weirdly good together and found a lot of things that just don’t work.  My sister (and sometimes cousins) would be my tasters….there’s no way my sister would’ve came back for more if I was always putting together gross stuff.  On that same note,  hubs (stupidly) challenged me to make him puke with a dish years ago and I succeeded with just three ingredients: horseradish, orange juice, and peanut butter…it even smells revolting enough to make you gag.  I’m fairly comfortable with figuring out how flavors work and we make a lot of fridge-clearing messes here.  🙂

So when this friend asks, I have to sit and think about how on earth to explain it to her in a way that she could reproduce.  I’m one of those crazy people that LOVES to cook.  I live in bagel central and I’m here at home making my own.  It’s insane but I really do enjoy every bit of it, so I don’t shy away from more complicated ideas.

…and then it’s made harder because we have some downright amazing grocery options.  I mean, I go to a real butcher where I can get things like silkie chicken and pork blood!   (Don’t question pork blood until you’ve had black pudding, I love that stuff…never made it, but love it.)  I cook with a lot of things that simply aren’t available where she lives.  I’d know, I lived there for 21 years.  When my mom visits, she brings an empty cooler so she can take all kinds of goodies and ingredients back with her.  It’s a food wasteland there.

Plus, let’s be honest, this friend is never, ever going to make anything I post.

Why do I say that?  A bit of a throwback:  I introduced her family to sushi a decade ago after I’d already moved away.  Her daughter wanted to try it, there was nowhere anywhere nearby that made it, and I adore the kid — she’s the sweetest creature to ever grace the earth — so I stopped at a huge world market several hours away and got the stuff to make a small assortment of sushi.  Just to make sure they’d have something to eat if they didn’t like the food (which they did, the kid even asked if she could keep the leftover eel for her lunch the next day), I also conspired with the little to show her how to make a really simple sweet and sour chicken.  She wanted to surprise our moms with a full dinner when they came back from their night out…didn’t I say she was the sweetest kid ever?

When we turned on the eye of the stove to start the chicken, the entire house flooded with a disgusting, acrid, black smoke.  It was so bad we had to throw open the windows in the middle of winter and leave the house.  Her mom had melted a plastic bowl onto the burner MONTHS ago and never cleaned it up…that’s how rarely she cooked.

Soooo fairly confident that the friend that always asks for recipes, thus making me rack my brain to come up with ingredients and substitutions and ways to simplify things, will never make a bloomin’ thing.  Is it wrong that it bugs the snot out of me when she asks?

Crafty questions

I can’t resist a good set of questions!  I yoinked this from NothingButKnit‘s blog.

1. Do you have a favorite crafting tool?
2. Which do you prefer when you craft: listening to a podcast or music, watching something on tv or silence?
3. Do you have a favorite designer that you’d like to recommend?
4. Most people have a favorite color, do you find you use it more than other colors? Is there a color you avoid? Why?
5. Have you experienced a crafting injury? If yes, what.

 

1.  That’s an impossible question! I can’t possibly pick a single item.  I’ll explain why at the end of the questions.  🙂
2. I tend to turn on Netflix when I’m crafting.  It’s usually not a show I’m actually interested in or else I’d end up staring at the screen more than working on whatever it is I should be.  I really like docu-series types of things for when I’m crafting away.
3. Hrm.  That’s a tough one.  I love how Jinny Beyer uses color and tend to read her books cover-to-cover.  I also think most of Judy Niemeyer‘s designs are stunning.  Both are quilters.  As far as other crafts, I find it hard to resist Tania Richter‘s — her patterns are both whimsical and straight-forward, plus I LOVE her knit-alongs that involve role-playing.  It adds an entirely new and random aspect to everything.  I’ve also probably made more stuffed animals by CholyKnight than is reasonable for any adult.
4. My favorite color is green — deep emerald green.  I actually don’t use it much at all.  Green is such a fiddly and difficult color to match (it tends to read with blue or yellow tints).  I actually tend to use black the most in all of my projects.  I also like navy and grays.  I avoid pink like the plague it is.
5. A few.  😛  Besides super gluing my fingers together more than I care to admit, I’ve burnt myself with an iron THREE times; twice on my hand and once on my inner forearm.  The two on my hands blistered, the one on my arm left a 3″ scar.  I’m really lucky to have long, sturdy fingernails because I’ve sewn through them or cut them with a rotary cutter far too many times for my comfort.  Without them, I would have whittled my fingers down to nubbins.  I also flayed the skin and deeper tissues off of a finger last year when I was harvesting gears for a steampunk costume.  Don’t trust me with anything hot or sharp.

 

Okay, so back to why picking a favorite crafting tool is impossible.

I’m stupidly sentimental and I collect sewing machines.  That’s the TL;DR version.

I’m rehabbing some of them still (it’s slow because I don’t want to damage them at all) but most of them are already ready to go and ready to sew…and are used regularly.  It’s a horrible habit but I love it, so there’s no stopping it.  I currently have 15.

Some of them are rescues, some are not.  The 237 and the White 1514 belonged to my sweet neighbor that lived across the road.  The 401A I’ll talk about below.  The 9110 belonged to my husband’s grandmother.  The little red Penney’s machine was my mom’s when she was a child.   …that big ole star?  He’s holding the place for the machine I’m picking up next month!  One of my aunts offered to give me either my grandmother’s or my great-grandmother’s treadle.  My choice.  I’m over the moon happy.

The coffin top fiddle base at the top is from 1889.  The Sphinx from 1900.  The W&W dates 1865 — it takes curved needles and still has its original glass presser foot.  The Two Spool is an amazing machine that doesn’t use a bobbin but has a canister that holds a wooden spool of thread.  It was THE machine I wanted and I converted a chain-lift cabinet to fit it.  I love my machines.

…but not as much as my room as a whole.

Bigger photo here

Above is a 360 degree view of my sewing room.  Behind the door is where I keep my pile of yarn, since it didn’t make an appearance.  I can’t pick a favorite tool because I’m pretty sure if my house were to ever catch fire, I’d be running to that room and throwing everything out the window to save it…or at least try my damnedest.  A huge portion of it is sentimental.  This room is my safe space — I always feel comfortable and content when I’m in it.  I never feel far from the people I miss there.

It’s also the “girl’s room” in the house; my sidekick cat has literally learned to open the door and make herself at home.  If we have people at the house and she’s scared, you can bet she’s in that room hiding.  She particularly likes to be under my embroidery frame, behind the hand-crank machine, or moonlighting as a stuffed animal on top of the wardrobe.

My husband’s female cat also loves to go in there and lounge on the table.  My little dog has a nest of fabric that she naps in when I’m in there or she’ll sit in the second chair.  The male cat and our big dog, neither one really cares to hang out there, so we’ve just established a no boys allowed thing…it’s especially handy when I have intrusive guests that want to fill the room with their extra baggage and nonsense — my husband can quickly forbid it as a sacred place for my sanity.

…and my husband likes to challenge people to guess how many sewing machines are hidden away in that little bitty room.  The current answer is six, plus a serger/coverstitcher.

So, going around the photo:

The Singer 401A?  Given to me when I first moved away from home.  It was a gift from the couple that taught me to quilt; I used to spend hours at their house sewing and laughing and learning…and on a few occasions, partying our asses off.  The lady died of a stroke a few years ago.

The now raggedy table under my cutting mat?  Built by my great-great-grandfather.

Not in the above photo, but above the table there is a shelf that I made a few years back.  It’s to hold a quilt but it’s the things on top are what is important.  I have a German Barbie that a friend of the family gave me when I was little.  The Barbie is now wearing my dad’s name badge from his workplace.  Also on that shelf are two of the last things my sister ever gave me.  When she was in high school she made the kitschy dragon for me in home ec because they were working on ceramics for who knows what reason.  The glued puzzle is one of the first things her ag teacher ever let them do — basic cutting and staining of boards…most kids decoupaged something on theirs, she glued on a glow-in-the-dark puzzle.  She ended up making some really beautiful things but I got her first janky item and loved it then and now.  (Ignore the fact that I obviously loved dragons…)

The basket of hooks and needles?  The vast majority of the contents in that basket belonged to my great-granny or my husband’s grandmother.  Both crocheted and knitted.  The only tools I’ve ever had to buy for yarn crafts are my ChiaoGoo needles simply because neither had circulars.  I use my husband’s grandmother’s scissors in my yarn kit.  I’m knitting a scarf right now with my great-granny’s needles.

Granny and I — she was born in 1899

The wardrobe?  I keep batting, polyfill, costumes, and patterns in there but it has been in my family and passed around so often that nobody can remember where it originally came from (the same goes from the Hoosier cabinet I have in my dining room).  The top of the wardrobe is the home of my childhood.  I keep all of my old stuffed animals there and my husband has added a few of his over the years as well.  One of the dolls was crocheted by Granny.

 

You can’t really see it in the photo because the ironing board is blocking it, but there’s a small nightstand that I grew up with behind it.  In the drawer I keep most of my old family photos and my family tree information.  Nobody else wanted it when my great-granny died, so I ended up with all of it and cherish it.  On top of the nightstand rests the Penney’s sewing machine that belonged to my mom.

…and it’s also hard to see but in the closet there rests a box.  It holds all of my instruction manuals and things like that now, but the box itself is precious to me.  I love my family heirlooms but this one will be -my- heirloom if I ever have somebody to pass it onto. My best friend made it for me when we were 17 for my high school graduation.  He packed it to the brim with mints and playing cards — he always carried them for me at school and said I shouldn’t go without just because I was going off to college a year ahead of time.

So, it really is impossible for me to pick a favorite crafting tool when so many of them aren’t just tools but memories.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship and relationships lately.

It’s funny how some people can be so important in one part of your life but then something happens and you no longer associate at all; it’s weird how people grow apart even though they’re both headed in the same direction.  It’s also oddly uncomfortable to really think about the people you actually keep up with and realize you don’t know what made them different than everybody else.

I saw the image below on Facebook and it really resonated with me and what has been running around in my thoughts lately, so I thought I’d stick it here.

The only important conclusion I can come up with, through all of my pondering, is that if you ever do find that rare unicorn of a person — the one that you’re unafraid to be yourself around, the one that you never have to explain anything to or apologize to, the one that always knows just the right thing to say in any situation, the one that makes the world brighter just because they exist — hold them close and cherish them for the magical beasts that they are.  They’re once in a lifetime and we only get one of those.