So it’s been a month.
Life is still crazy.
One of my cousins had her baby. I still haven’t finished the quilt. It’ll get done when life isn’t so upside down. Maybe. 🙃
I have a visitor for the undetermined future.
His name is Ban and isn’t he just the handsomest boy? ❤️
My guy “friend” (he doesn’t like titles, yet insists he’s mine 😊) is moving this week and since the house hasn’t closed yet, he was in a bit of a bind of what to do with his dog. Me to the rescue! Took a 10 hour (one way) roadtrip yesterday and brought him back home with me today. Been a long weekend in the car but worth it.
Won’t lie, getting to spend four hours just walking around a random park with the guy was worth it. How pathetically lame is that? I never thought I’d be that type of person, yet here we are.
My husband isn’t a bad guy – he even went with me on the trip this weekend – it’s just so painfully obvious how we’ve grown apart and probably should’ve never been in a relationship to begin with. I think we’ll still be decent friends, there’s just a massive chasm between that and what a couple should be. We spent most of the ride home today talking about somebody he has a crush on and what he could do to prevent hurting her like he’s hurt me. He’s gunshy about starting a new relationship but is interested at least. We’ve agreed we’re filing the official separation after the house closes and I move in with my guy.
So back to my still husband not being a bad person. He’s not but the difference between him and the guy blows my mind. It’s all little things and unconscious considerations but just holy cow. Hubs always has grand plans for the future but they’ve never even included me…always what his career dreams are and where he wants to travel. I’ve never known where I fit into his life other than fulfilling the title role of Mrs. He’s very much focused on a few things and has no room for anything else.
Now I find myself with somebody who gently prods “ours” when I refer to something as his (our house, not his house – he’s even offered to put me on the mortgage and/or title) and talks about the goal just being coming home to me at the end of the day. And there are little considerations like him waiting to see if I need a hand down a steep path (bum knee) instead of leaving me so behind that I’ve gone back to the car and waited before hubs realized I wasn’t keeping up. He opens doors for me. He cleaned my husband’s fast food trash out of my car when he was loading up the dog crate – didn’t even ask, just cleaned up somebody else’s mess from my space.
I even kinda like myself when he’s around – for once I don’t feel uncomfortable in my own skin or an anxious mess. I feel human. Even hubs has commented that I’ve been happier the past few months than he’s ever seen me.
It kind of takes my breath away if I really sit back and think about it.
I already miss him. Hell, I missed him as soon as I got in my car in the parking lot.
At least Ban and I can snuggle each other until Saturday. We’re gonna meet up halfway between where he’s staying and here for a quick visit. I’m bringing the pup along. I drove ten hours to see him this weekend, having him just two hours away from now on seems like a dream.
…I also finally told my mom about this guy after 16 years. And the situation with hubs and I. I think I officially melted her brain. 😅